Joe Townsend (ourhouse@iswt.com) from carroll56k148.iswt.com at 09/29/98 10:03PM
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    On Friday, September 25, my wife and I attended a function on campus as part of Southern Cultures week. The function was sponsored by the Elam Roundtable of the Department of History and Political Science, and the speaker was Anne Firor Scott, Ph.D., a professor at Duke University. The title of her talk was “Where have all the Ladies Gone?” This title was a bit misleading, in that her talk didn’t address the question as I had expected it to do. She never really answered the question of where the ladies had gone, but the impression I received was “They are gone...and good riddance.” This is because her ideas of what a Southern Lady was (and is) and mine are quite a bit different. Since Dr. Scott did not answer the question she asked in the title of her lecture, I will attempt to. Dr. Scott argued that Southern ladies were mere ornaments who served no purpose before the civil war, and afterward, only involved themselves in community affairs to keep up an image, rather than to truly be of service. Her idea of a Southern lady is of a woman who is rich, vain, and inherently racist. My idea of a lady has nothing to do with the way someone is dressed, where they’re from, their race, or how much money they have. Being a lady is a matter of demeanor and bearing, not outward appearances. A Southern lady - black, white, rich or poor - can be dressed in rags, but as soon as one meets her, there is no question that they have met a lady. Dr. Scott also argued that before the Civil War, the term “Southern Lady” was reserved for the upper crust white woman whose only job was to be a decoration for her husband. In reality, women of all classes identified themselves as ladies, based on their individual adherence to their particular class standards. Southern ladies worked beside their husbands in fields and stores while still maintaining their ideals of a Southern lady. As to where the ladies have gone: they haven’t gone anywhere, there are just fewer than there used to be. Many of today’s women are afraid that if they conduct themselves like a lady, they will be given the same prejudicial label that Dr. Scott bestowed upon Southern ladies. They fear that acting like a lady somehow makes them subserviant to men, and submissive. There was a time, when a gentleman opened the door for a lady, she would look him in the eye, smile politely and thank him. But more and more, the reaction a gentlemen gets now is no acknowledgement at all, a surly grunt or a look designed to make him feel as if he’s done something wrong. In the past, ladies were flattered when a gentleman complimented them on some aspect of their appearance. Nowadays, the “lady” is more apt to have him arrested and charged with sexual harassment. It was once commonly accepted that a gentleman escorting a lady somewhere would rest his hand on her arm or back. That kind of behavior today, would earn him a prison sentence. A sad by-product of women’s wide-spread rejection of the title of “lady” is the increasingly wide-spread rejection by men of the title “gentleman.” Too often these days, when I open the door to let a lady pass, young men (certainly not gentlemen) will elbow past the lady to get through the door first. Unfortunately, if women no longer wish to be treated as ladies, they are going to have to get used to increasingly boorish behavior from men. They should be ready to see us sitting around scratching, belching and cursing in front of them. Because if common courtesy between the sexes - the most basic of all courtesies - is no longer acceptable, then why shouldn’t we? In attempting to answer the question of where the ladies have gone, I think I may have raised another question: “Where have all the gentlemen gone?” They are in hiding:  waiting for the day when they can emerge, and once again show the courtesy and respect due a lady without fear of being labeled sexist and domineering. If you want to know who I am and where to find me, I’ll be easy to spot: I’m the gentleman standing at an open door hoping that it’s a lady who is preceeding me and waiting for the time when this basic courtesy once again becomes the norm.